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by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
In today's video interview for YourCreativeChord, I talk with Betsy Wurzel about dealing with dementia! Betsy is the founder of #KickAlzheimersAssMovementFacebook Group and the host of the Chatting With Betsy Radio Show. She was a caregiver for her late husband, Matt, who battled with Alzheimers for 10 years. We dive into how this experience prompted Betsy to rise up as a leader bringing support to caregivers of loved ones dealing with dementia. Straight talk and practical tips for caregivers dealing with dementia here as well as a reminder of alternatives for pre-planning your creative memorial and legacy. Find Betsy and more Dementia and Caregiver Support at: https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/kickalzheimersassmovement Listen to Chatting With Betsy: https://passionateworldtalkradio.com/chatting-with-betsy/ Stay tuned for the podcast next Tuesday. ​Find Betsy and more Dementia and Caregiver Support at: #KickAlzheimersAssMovementFacebookGroup Chatting With Betsy Radio Show Recommended Resources: ​ Teepa Snow Dementia Spotlight Foundation Teepa Snow Books & DVDs Dementia Activities For Seniors YourCreativeChord Self-Care Ideas YourCreativeChord Music & Nature Video YourCreativeChord Caregiver Support YourCreativeChord Self-Care Resources I provide the step by step journey to relief, peace of mind, huge cost savings, and satisfaction from getting your personalized creative memorial planned within 2 months using earth-friendly, cost-reducing *alternatives* to traditional funeral plans with less or -0- corporate &/or religious involvement. Join my CREATIVE MEMORIAL PLANNING FACEBOOK GROUP to access my FREE video series with Reflections For You ebook. My Creative Memorial Planning Webinar walks you through the benefits of cost-reducing, earth-friendly options, empowering you and your loved ones to create a meaningful, personalized memorial with less or zero corporate funeral businesses and/or religious involvement. It includes tips for saving costs, creating a memorial agenda, programs, communicating with and assembling others, writing and posting a life story online, and more. Through this webinar, you’ll gain peace of mind with a supportive guide who’s been through it, knows the process, and can show you the way step by step. GET Your Creative Memorial Planning Webinar here. ​ ​*** I’d love to feature answers to listener-submitted questions about anything you want to ask about Creative Memorial Planning. All you have to do is email a voice memo to: Jenny@YourCreativeChord.com of no more than 2 minutes, sharing your name, where you’re located, what your question is, and any context you want to share. A few selected voice memos will be included for future podcasts, so please only submit if you’re comfortable having it shared! Created/Produced/Hosted by Jenny Leigh Hodgins Content & Music © 2021 Jenny Leigh Hodgins You can also find YourCreativeChord on: www.pinterest.com/YourCreativeChord/ www.instagram.com/yourcreativechord/ www.linkedin.com/in/jennyleighhodgins/ www.facebook.com/YourCreativeChord
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by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
As a caregiver for my senior mom, we recently updated her End Of Life plan. I helped Mom change from a corporate funeral prepaid plan to an alternative that saved her THOUSANDS and is more in line with her personal values and beliefs. What I learned: I see the itemized breakdown of corporate costs as extravagant and mainly lining corporate pockets w profit—straight out of my Mom’s pocket—and people like her. I’ll admit that a pre-plan MIGHT save you money if you’re going the full traditional funeral route; caskets, corporate facilities for visitations and receptions, transportation like hearses and limousines, graveside burials, etc. The truth is that the average traditional corporate funeral costs in the USA run between $8-$25K depending on where you live. The pre-paid policy option claims to save you money by locking in the price against inflation. But these preplanned policies are more costly than necessary and definitely more expensive than the alternatives that I help you explore as your Creative Memorial Planning Coach and within my Creative Memorial Planning Facebook Group. Let me paint a clear picture: After looking through Mom’s itemized prepaid plan she’d previously arranged through corporate funeral, I recognized that a prepaid policy costs two to three times more than the ACTUAL cost of the services requested (depending on the services opted for). Corporate funerals help keep death a mystery so people don’t readily ask the right questions. Most people get easily overwhelmed by the topic of death due to emotion and spiritual beliefs--and therefore willingly pay premium fees for corporate funeral staff to handle it. There are often what I call ‘blanket fees’ that are just pure gravy for corporate funeral-- in addition to the actual itemized services and products you opt for--and you will *pay additional* fees beyond this blanket fee for each of these itemized services and products. I get it —corporate funerals are there for profit. They’ve got to keep their lights on—so that expense falls directly on you and YOUR pocketbook. The more you opt for, the more they stand to gain. But end of life planning doesn’t need to break your bank account or deplete your pocketbook! As your Creative Memorial Planning Coach, I can help you with that! Instead of the excessive cost or the abrupt and impersonal customs of the corporate funeral route—here’s what I offer you:
My program is a two-month hybrid self-study and one on one coaching program—with video tutorials, templates, checklists, and my Reflections For You workbook as a supportive guide. I work through every detail with you at *your own pace* to cover the issues of most importance to you—within a two-month period. I help you map out your creative memorial plan within two months--so your loved ones don’t have to think about it in their most vulnerable moment. Imagine how you’ll feel knowing that you’ve got your end of life plan completely mapped out within two months. Everything in one place, your personal wishes and options completely customized to your personal values. You can rest assured that your surviving loved ones have nothing to figure out or pay for or deal with because you’ve got it all done for them. Get my help with exploring earth-friendly, cost-reducing ALTERNATIVES to traditional funeral plans with less or -0- corporate funeral &/or religious involvement. Relieve the burden from your loved ones by getting your creative memorial plan mapped out! Join my CREATIVE MEMORIAL PLANNING GROUP to access my FREE video series with Reflections For You ebook!  Pastel Sunset, Lexington, KY. Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
How can the dark, depressing topic of memorial planning fit in with YourCreativeChord's purpose of nurturing creativity and inspiration, you ask? How can planning a memorial possibly be inspiring and beautiful? Fostering the energy for creative inspiration relies on the balance between practicing self-care and care for others. Nurturing inspiration is rooted in compassion for both self and others. When you muster your bravery to even think about the difficult topics of loss, death and grief, much less take the caring stance to make a clear plan for it, you ultimately make things easier for you and your loved ones. What could be more caring? What could be a more inspiring legacy to leave behind? Embrace The Opportunity To Celebrate & Joyfully Inspire Others When we think of things that inspire, we often use words like calm, peace of mind, zest for life, beautiful, passion, and comfort. Just as planning ahead for anything brings peace of mind, having your ducks in a row about end-of-life issues is a way to bring comfort, peace and calm to yourself and others. Preparing in advance can also lead to an incredibly beautiful celebration of life and an event that honors your memory. How inspirational! The alternative is not thinking about it. When we deny things or hide from reality, we end up suffering far worse. You and I will experience the inevitable end that happens to everyone at some point. When you make the effort to plan, out of your love for others, you bring beauty and celebration to your life’s ending. For both yourself and surviving loved ones. Clearly, death is a difficult subject. In our culture, the topic is mostly avoided, denied, or considered far removed from positive things like creativity and inspiration. Loss and grief are the most intense kind of suffering. But we all must face these. How do we nurture ourselves through difficult moments if we avoid dealing with them? Wouldn't it be more valuable to embrace our unavoidable, end-of-life issues as an opportunity to celebrate, honor, and joyfully inspire others to live even more fully? The reason I'm creating more content offering alternatives to traditional memorials and tips for preparing memorial agendas, obituaries, and programs is because I know what it’s like without the planning there in advance. People are enormously consoled when you have something planned ahead of time and when they can follow a structure based on your wishes. A thoughtful memorial plan and structure brings serenity, comfort, a sense of closure, and even healing to those dealing with loss. Meaningful Creativity Can Be Born From Both Suffering And Joy Many people think of strategies for inspiration as always being something positive. But from my personal experience, creativity can be born from both deep suffering and great joy. Many of my most valuable and meaningful creative expressions have come from dealing head-on with loss or through my experience of grieving a loved one. This is something that anyone can do. Addressing human pain is in sync with the heartening theme for nurturing your inspiration because we all experience it and we have the potential to create value from our suffering. Dealing directly with death, whether our own or others, can be the catalyst for tremendous inspiration. It can also lead to reviving a greater spirit for living in the present moment. Facing loss can fuel our efforts to cook, volunteer, garden, work with animals, dance, write poetry or stories, journal, compose music, paint or draw. Planning ahead for your memorial offers potential for the transformation of an intensely difficult experience into one of tremendously positive value, especially if you base your plans on your compassion for those who will be left behind. The peace of mind you gain from having a plan in place to deal with memorial issues is an inspiration to those around you. In this way, you demonstrate unequivocal care for yourself and others by making things easier for everyone through your sincere effort to plan ahead. That kind of sincere effort for others is a huge spark for inspired living. I’d love to hear from you. It means a lot to me that my content is helpful and empowers you. Please take a moment to join the conversation below to let me know if this blog is helpful or if you have questions or suggestions! Recommended Reading: 5 Ways to Master Caregiver Learning Curve How To Use Self-Care To Feel Happy Your Troubles Are Your Progress Barometer & Catalyst For Your Full Potential 5 Ways To Use Music & Nature For Self-Care Defeat Fear & Doubt with Your Courage & Capability How To Use Nature To Reinvigorate Your Spirit Find YourCreativeChord on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Linkedinand Facebook!  Click pic to see my Pinterest CAREGIVER SUPPORT Board! ​Rainbow photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins. by Jenny Leigh Hodgins, poet, writer, lyricist, composer, blogger, podcast host, entrepreneur, educator Shining like a pot of gold This light within-- My promised land. I want to hold it in the palm of my hand-- and truly understand how the years of ups and downs dramas told, tragedy, starting over, moving around built this composite of me- That when reflected upon I see as a bright, burning potential Taking misery to mission--Changing pain into credential Defined by my decision to purify my heart's vision. This brilliant treasure in my life--Glistening Jewel that I possess Emanating from the Paradise that exists inside of me-- Nonetheless, can seem so far away, I confess. Peeling away false layers of reality, I've learned to look beyond illusion like fame or fortune in society --such things are mere delusion; Fleeting, empty, yet in *fusion* with the total life, the picture whole; The truth that everything connects--from macrocosm to unique soul... Oh, Power!--that a single prayer injects into the story one person directs... and if I am the actress upon this stage, I wrestle like madness against all sorrow, in struggles and torment, I raise myself to change tomorrow To climb again, my Kilimanjaro... I’d love to hear from you. It means a lot to me that my content is helpful and empowers you. Please take a moment to join the conversation below to let me know if this poem is helpful or if you have questions or suggestions! Recommended Articles: 5 Ways to Master Caregiver Learning Curve HOW TO USE SELF-CARE TO FEEL HAPPY HOW TO PREPARE YOUR END-OF-LIFE STORY How To Ease Burden By Your Loving Preparation Your Troubles Are Your Progress Barometer & Catalyst For Your Full Potential 5 Ways To Use Music & Nature For Self-Care Defeat Fear & Doubt with Your Courage & Capability How To Deflect Negativity To Become Happier Believing In The Positive My Top Tips For Winning Over Insomnia Connect with YOURCREATIVECHORD on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin and Facebook!  Click pic to see my Pinterest CAREGIVER SUPPORT Board! ​Rainbow photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins.  Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins by Jenny Leigh Hodgins If you’re like me, self-care tends to drop to the bottom of your to-do list. Job workloads, home maintenance, family or caregiver commitments, volunteer, faith-based and social activities. Things can pile up like an immovable mountain. MEDICAL BENEFITS FROM SELF-CARE According to an article published by The Pharmaceutical Journal, “Self-care has been defined by the Department of Health as ‘the care taken by individuals towards their own health and well-being — including the care extended to the family and the community.’ The definition is broad and encompasses the actions required for people to maintain good physical and mental health, to meet their social and psychological needs and prevent illness or accidents.” Self-care decreases numbers of medical visits, improves medical consultations and implementation of medicinal treatments. But self-care goes far beyond these medical improvements. SELF-CARE MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD When you practice self-care, you feel good about yourself. Others pick up on your positive vibe, and that impacts your relationships. People who neglect themselves tend to feel lower self-esteem and negative emotions. This affects health overall. Taking care of yourself has a direct influence on others in your life. When you feel good, you can do better for others. The basics of self-care are critical to maintaining emotional, mental balance and good health. These include proper sleep, healthy eating habits, exercise, prayer or other spiritual activities. Regular self-care helps you manage stress. Simply taking a break to be alone, or experience nature, or have a soothing spa-like treatment as simple as a hot bubble bath are ways to lower stress levels and increase positive emotions. When you feel good about yourself, you attract positivity from others, too. As Elizabeth Scott, MS, states, “A simple but often overlooked form of self-care is having a self-pampering experience on a regular basis in your own home." She suggests simple in-home spa-like treatments, like taking a bath, deep conditioning your hair, clipping or painting your nails, or getting a massage (by a masseuse or an electronic massage device). CREATING A PERSONAL SPA OASIS  My Saltwater Pool Oasis, Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins To better balance my life, one of my best decisions while working as a Florida public school teacher was creating an oasis for myself. I had a small Florida yard with a privacy fence and gates I had installed. I used that space to create my beloved tropical garden. My garden produced Monarch, Swallowtail, Gulf Fritillary butterflies, pineapples, herbs, Golden Rain Trees, Bougainvillea, and myriad flowers. Gardening in the Florida heat inspired me to get a small swimming pool installed, where I could enjoy my garden view. My backyard swimming pool was an incredible oasis. A place where I could unwind, let go of daily stress, quiet my busy mind and chill. It was one of the best investments I made because it gave me a reason to take care of myself. Cooling off after a long workday was therapeutic for me. NATURE REJUVENATES I enjoyed the silence and privacy of having a moment all to myself. Relaxing in my private swimming pool allowed me to experience nature at its finest. Lying on my float, I absorbed the vast, stillness of the blue skies. Watching puffs of white clouds floating leisurely above me slowed my typically fast-paced thoughts. Instead, I focused on the beauty of the universe. All photos by Jenny Leigh Hodgins. All rights reserved. THERAPEUTIC TROPICAL PARADISE I swam like a lazy mermaid, mesmerized by the world of color and peacefulness in my garden. I watched gorgeous Monarch butterflies flit from tropical milkweed plant leaves, drop egg babies, circle around invisible pathways above my little yard, and repeat dozens of times. I observed the progress of those eggs as they became full-fledged caterpillars chomping those milkweed plants down to empty green stems. I saw the astounding metamorphic graduation of green chrysalides; darkening from black to translucent with golden orange and black, until crumpled newborn butterflies pushed their withered shells open, emerging as upside down shiny jewels. I was even able to coax newly eclosed butterflies to climb my fingers until I decided to place them on a hibiscus or lantana bloom. Or, sometimes, with a flick of my wrist, spur new flights into motion. What a joy. All photos by Jenny Leigh Hodgins. All rights reserved. HOW I CREATED A SALTWATER SPA EXPERIENCE I replaced my chlorine pump with a saltwater pump. This allowed me to avoid heavy chemicals and save money by using only salt. (See my blog and video on how to do that here.) The feel of the pure saltwater-infused pool was like physical therapy to my aching body after a long, hot day. Submerging slowly into the softness of pure water melted my daily stress into oblivion. Relaxing my tight muscles by a dip in my private pool was a great source of relaxation and rejuvenation. MAKE TIME FOR SELF-CARE Getting a moment away from the noisy, busy, rapid-speed of daily life is not easy. Many of us don’t even try to fit in self-care because we’re so busy chasing our tails to keep up with the spinning world. But, from having my private swimming pool and garden oasis, I kept my sanity.  Tropical garden oasis. Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins It detoxed my mind, body and spirit. Having that time in nature to relax in a quiet, beautiful setting gave me balance. Being able to take in the beautiful sights in my garden while silently resting in my pool was an enormous gift. It taught me the necessity of taking care of myself. You don’t have to create a saltwater swimming pool to bring self-care into your life. Besides, everyone doesn’t live in a tropical climate. I’ve moved from Florida back to Kentucky to be caregiver for my mother while following my entrepreneurial dreams. So, the wisdom of self-care is calling my name once again. Taking this moment to recall the beauty of my Florida garden and swimming pool oasis brings me the joy of reliving my homemade spa experience. Sometimes envisioning and taking a breath is all it takes to bring a bit of balance back into your life. What are some ways you can apply self-care in your daily life? BUY products to create your summer pool oasis here. Check out my Self Care Resources page! Recommended Articles: Your Troubles Are Your Progress Barometer & Catalyst For Your Full Potential 5 Ways To Use Music & Nature For Self-Care Defeat Fear & Doubt with Your Courage & Capability How To Deflect Negativity To Become Happier Believing In The Positive My Top Tips For Winning Over Insomnia  DIY Saltwater Swimming Pool Garden Oasis, Florida. Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins This article was published first on LivingWell60Plus magazine  Children singing holiday music. by Jenny Leigh Hodgins Bringing music to a retirement home is one of the most gratifying ways to be of service during the holiday season. Performing music for seniors has been a rewarding experience for me. Retirement residents were wonderfully appreciative audiences when I performed as a solo vocalist and pianist. Singing original compositions, the standards from the 1930 to the 1960s and familiar holiday songs evoked equal measures of joy, animation and tears from aging audiences. During my years as a music teacher and chorus director, I led my students in holiday performances at local retirement centers. I wanted to impress on them the idea that musical performance is about communication and making a positive impact on others, not just being in the spotlight. It was a multi-point learning experience for all. It served as a community service event for young singers. It met the national music teaching standards for providing students practice with musical skills, repertoire and ensemble performance. Most significantly, it brought holiday joy to the audience of residents and family members. Students received positive emotional responses as they saw how their music affected retirement home residents. The holidays are a perfect time to reap the benefits of providing musical community service for retirement home residents. Gather ’Round Gather your children and invite their friends and parents. Pull participants from your kids’ soccer, dance or softball teams or talk to your religious or community youth leaders. They may step up to help you organize and chaperone the fun. If you’re not accustomed to being surrounded by a large number of children, have a few adult chaperones by your side. Children need a measure of structure and discipline to balance all the excitement. Song Selection Ask the participants for their favorite holiday songs. Depending on your religious background and/or preference, songs may be traditional or secular, incorporating various faiths and cultures and/or blend a bit of each. A quick Google, Yahoo or YouTube search or a look through a music application such as Amazon Music or iTunes or radio sites such as Pandora or Spotify will yield plenty of song ideas. Above all, select songs everyone enjoys. A fairly new holiday, Kwanzaa, invites the use of African American music, using rhythm instruments such as rain sticks, shakers, djembe and gathering drums. An easy way to incorporate these instruments is to have a few chorus members or even the audience tap the beat during the singing. Jingle bells are another fun instrument to add, but do so sparingly, as a few can overpower voices. One of my favorite personal holiday music memories was when my parents, brother, sisters and niece were singing and I pushed the drum beat button on my portable keyboard to create a steady loop of rhythm. We started rapping the words to the songs. This spontaneous idea can be incorporated into any holiday song – just speak the lyrics in the same rhythmic pattern as the singable version. This takes pressure off those who have difficulty matching pitch. Rehearsal Organization Organize the order of the songs for your performance. Choose enough songs for a 30- to 60-minute concert. Arrange them by tempo, mood, style and familiarity. Once you’ve selected your songs, use a smart phone music app to create accompaniment. Use a portable Bluetooth speaker for added volume. Your group may want to sing a cappella like traditional carolers – without accompaniment. Practice a few run-throughs before your performance. This will reveal pacing issues that may warrant a few tweaks with song order. Find Your Most Appreciative Audience If you know someone living in a retirement home, start there or do an online search for local facilities. Call the activity director at each facility and tell them you’d like to bring a group out for a bit of holiday singing fun. Most activity directors are thrilled to have guests visit residents. Encourage the audience to sing along and mingle with them afterwards. The joyful holiday spirit will last long after the last note fades away. SHARE this with others who may benefit from this info! Thank you!  Author, Composer, Enterpreneur Jenny Leigh Hodgins and her mother, Minva Gayle Hodgins, 2017 This piece originally appeared at TheCaregiverSpace.org Listen to the podcast here. By Jenny Leigh Hodgins I segued into the role of caregiver for my aging parent quicker than expected. Last year, I left my 30-year career, and sold my Florida home to move back to Kentucky as my mother’s caregiver. I planned to be in place well ahead of need, while I transitioned to working remotely as a freelancer. 1. LIFE’S CURVEBALLS AND SLEDGEHAMMERS Things don’t always go according to plan. Life hits with big moments whenever it damn well feels like it. Like many adult children, I face the bittersweet reality of being a caregiver to my parent before either of us are ready. I thought I’d have time to ease into the role, but sometimes health issues pop up or wallop like a sledgehammer. What a wake-up call, being there when Mom is ill, pained face, weak and trembling, incoherent and out-of-it. Alone in that moment, feeling the full burden of being responsible for her well-being can be an enormously scary place. Facing the impending reality of that final chapter in the cycle of life is not for sissies. The foreign world of medical terms, insurance and co-pays, increasingly hectic medical appointment schedule, and daily living responsibilities can add up to an overwhelming mountain of pressure. I hadn’t anticipated how my own daily rhythm would be derailed, interrupted or flat-out sacrificed at times. 2. GET AHEAD OF THE CURVE The learning curve comes swiftly, so I’ve found it best to get my game plan in place, and build my life-state to be ready to play. I’ve discovered the importance of taking care of myself. Putting that oxygen mask on myself first enables me to ward against getting overwhelmed or sick, and be better prepared emotionally, spiritually and practically as caregiver. 3. GET YOUR GAME ON That means I have to protect my daily rhythm. To be effective in my work as a writer and composer, as a caregiver, and more balanced in my wellness, I have to establish ‘me time’. I rise early to pray, eat and have uninterrupted workflow when I function at my best. I schedule exercise later in the day to maintain my energy. I use my smartphone calendar app to send me alerts so I stay, or get back on, task. Mapping out my own daily schedule and preserving it as best I can keeps me on top of things and less overwhelmed when Mom’s needs arise. 4. PLAN TO BE THERE IN ADVANCE I’m grateful to have already settled in, so I’m here when Mom needs me. Not having to rush from another state, or even across town, or leave my workplace, is one load of worry off our minds. My being in place takes some burden off my other family members who don’t have the liberty of leaving jobs, children or properties. 5. TEAM HUDDLE Keeping open communication with Mom and family members about her health, financial and social needs, as well as legal plans, distributes the caregiving load and assures Mom that we are onboard and unified to uphold her wishes. Getting things in place beforehand helps alleviate worry from all. This attempt to keep all in the loop brings us closer in harmony to one another. For the caregiver, that support from family team players is indispensable to peace of mind, providing further strength for the tasks ahead. 6. KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW Getting to know my mother’s daily rhythm gives me knowledge useful for effective emergency response. Being familiar with her usual mannerisms, daily lifestyle, energy, verbal and cognitive responses makes it easy to recognize when something isn’t right. Paying attention to symptoms early on allows early detection and an upper hand in maintaining her wellness. Knowing her doctors, appointments, medications, and health issues is powerful ammunition against mishaps, and preventative against health problems that could run undetected. ENDGAME The role of caregiver can present itself sooner than anticipated, bringing unexpected, new challenges. But I’m finding that having a game plan, a great team that communicates well, a strategy for maintaining my wellness, and tackling challenges with gusto allows me to respond well even to the hardest curveball. I’d love to hear from you. It means a lot to me that my content is helpful and empowers you. Please take a moment to join the conversation below to let me know if this blog is helpful or if you have questions or suggestions! Recommended Articles: Your Troubles Are Your Progress Barometer & Catalyst For Your Full Potential 5 Ways To Use Music & Nature For Self-Care Defeat Fear & Doubt with Your Courage & Capability How To Deflect Negativity To Become Happier Believing In The Positive My Top Tips For Winning Over Insomnia You can also find me on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin and Facebook! RESOURCES: Caregiver Smartphone Apps: Best Calendar Apps 10 Daily Apps to Help Caregivers Best Apps for Caregivers Free Downloadable Forms: Power of Attorney Form Will Form Advance Directive Forms National Association of Attorneys General 202-326-6000 Email: feedback@naag.org  Deceased members from Nicholasville High School Class of 1958. By Jenny Leigh Hodgins This story was published in Jessamine Journal August 2, 2018. Listen to this as an audio podcast by clicking here. My newly acquired caregiver role includes being chauffeur for Mom’s health appointments and evening social functions. Last night, I drove Mom to her 60th Nicholasville High School reunion (Jessamine County, Kentucky). Despite torrential thunderstorms, a tornado watch, flash flood warnings, power outages around the city, and having an odd, eye-oriented headache for the two days prior, Mom would not be deterred from attending. I drove us past dead traffic lights, waited through bumper-to-bumper, stilled traffic, and passed half a dozen felled trees and debris along the way. My cranky, neurotic complaints about the weather’s potential for disaster were ignored. Her optimism sprang eternal, as she proclaimed the weather ‘is moving away from us.’ We arrived at the community clubhouse event to see that fifty-four of the last class from the original Nicholasville High School had been distilled to the attendance of thirteen. Thirteen highly determined seniors at the ripe age of 78, some with oxygen tanks, wheelchairs, and one with an arm in a sling from a recent fall. I took iPhone photos of Mom happily greeting, hugging and laughing with her classmates from 1958 (and a commemorative group photo at the end of the evening). Listening to stories of who they had lost, husbands, wives, brothers, each gone ahead to the after-life, knocked me over the head with the reason Mom would not miss this event even for a tornado. Mortality loomed over the heart of everyone in the room, including mine. The current chapter of aging, sickness and death was written on the faces of every senior there, as their stories of health issues and loss were shared over dinner. Yet, there was a palpable strength and humorous tone in the atmosphere, too. Jokes were made about the phase of life “when getting up to go to work has changed to getting up to go to the doctor.” Boisterous laughter abounded from tables of grey or balding folks recounting days of their high school adventures. I put on my cheerful, brave face to absorb the scene, though internally my heart was struck by the grim truth of death’s inevitability. I ached to see the physical pain of some of the attendees, those in wheelchairs, struggling to chew food, those who had to sit down to save energy to speak. The sorrow was visible of those who, like my mother, had lost their beloved spouse after 50 years together. What these aging citizens were facing, some completely alone, others merely waiting to be the next to lose their loved one, was the elephant in the room that stomped on my heart. As a new caregiver, my emotions sometimes get overwhelmed with things I hadn’t anticipated; seeing the plight of the aging so closely, handling Mom’s unexpected, urgent health issues, viewing the reality of dwindling comrades from her youthful days. I’m torn between my relief that I’m here for my mother, and the fact that my own destiny as a single woman without children may lead to my being alone in that golden, final chapter of life. I’ve begun to think about things that never entered my mind before I hit fifty. My youth was filled with so much to do that I never considered how life slows down for those past retirement. Though I’m not retired—in fact, I’m plunging head-first into launching a second career I always wanted—the tempo of my life has begun to move in a dramatic rubato in sync with my mother’s life issues. This awakens me to appreciate things on a deeper level; the fortune of having a family member to live with, friends to talk to, health that is reasonably managed or at least attended to when not, the few remaining relatives around to share life stories and short luncheons. These are small, yet profound moments of joy for my mother and her peers. I get it; the tenacity and inner strength of my mother’s generation comes from surviving everything. As one of Mom’s 1958 classmates said, quoting a poem, “Love like you’ve never loved before.” They all know firsthand that the opportunity is fleeting. I got Mom in the car and pulled away just before the horrendous rainstorm pelted violently against my car. I fought to see the road ahead and drive carefully until we made our way safely back home. Sometimes fighting through the storm is worth it. *** Feel free to SHARE this with others who may benefit from this info! Thank you! I’d love to hear from you. It means a lot to me that my content is helpful and empowers you. Please take a moment to join the conversation below to let me know if this blog is helpful or if you have questions or suggestions! Recommended Articles: 5 Ways to Master Caregiver Learning Curve HOW TO USE SELF-CARE TO FEEL HAPPY HOW TO PREPARE YOUR END-OF-LIFE STORY How To Ease Burden By Your Loving Preparation Your Troubles Are Your Progress Barometer & Catalyst For Your Full Potential 5 Ways To Use Music & Nature For Self-Care Defeat Fear & Doubt with Your Courage & Capability How To Deflect Negativity To Become Happier Believing In The Positive My Top Tips For Winning Over Insomnia Connect with YOURCREATIVECHORD on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin and Facebook!       CENTER BOTTOM PHOTO:
Back left to right: Ann Thompson Nicholson, Martin Lowery, Charles Burton, John V. Carpenter, Hugh Logan Scott III, Ashley Moss, Front left to right: Linda Cobb Downing, Brenda Carter, Phyllis Miller Preston, Joann Cobb Giles, Judy Royse Cooper, Minva Gayle Morgan Hodgins, Marion Williams Not pictured: Ursula Land Lamb  Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
I took my mother with me yesterday to a wonderful concert by Lexington Chamber Orchestra. Their concerts are always a delight. I recommend attending and supporting these fine artists. I know the value of listening to excellent quality music. You may find my article about music's positive effects on health and cognitive function in LivingWell 60+ magazine. I noticed an older couple sitting in front of us. The man was in a motorized wheelchair in the aisle, with his wife sitting at the end of the aisle. After the concert I offered to help get him up the steep aisle. My mother sat patiently waiting in the lobby. This caregiver stranger and I steered the spastic vehicle up the aisle, through the lobby, out the door, across the road and into her van. If I hadn’t been monitoring the wheelchair, it could have tipped over as we led her husband up the bumpy, steep sidewalk. Though he was strapped in, both the woman and myself wrestled to keep her six-foot-plus husband from falling out of the wheelchair. When she lowered the van ramp, it accidentally landed on the man’s feet. I lifted it while his wife pulled him backwards. Getting the chair into the vehicle was a swerving struggle. We barely managed to keep the man’s arm from getting smashed on the van door as the wheelchair lodged its left wheel into the doorway. After more struggle, we got him into the van. I helped her get the four floor-installed seatbelts hooked onto the wheelchair to keep him from rolling while she drove. I share this story as it moved my heart that this caregiver regularly does this without my help. Her devotion and love for her husband was undeniable. It was an agonizing ordeal with both of us. Yet this woman daily takes care of her husband alone, without any help from strangers like me. I said it was wonderful that she brought her husband to experience culture's therapeutic and healing power. She shared they had listened to the concert's music during their courtship and it brought back wonderful memories. We quoted lyrics from the songs to each other and laughed. I shared that her husband‘s face energetically lit up at a particular point in the concert, when the first violins attacked a new melodic theme with dynamic gusto. I said she must love her husband to go through such physical difficulty to bring him to a concert. She said when most people lose mobility, they stop going out. She was determined to bring her husband and herself to activities as long as possible. It was a short moment looking through the window of this caregiver’s experience. I’m also a new caregiver for my mother, so I’m aware of a multitude of issues that come with being an adult caregiver. But this woman’s effort for her husband, and his response to the music concert was a beautiful drama. It was a poignant statement of humanity, love, music's healing power, and the bittersweet plight of caregivers. But mostly it was inspiring and humbling. I want to be as generous, compassionate, determined, and loving as this woman is to her husband. I want to be able to do that kind of good for my mother when it’s necessary while I’m in the caregiving role. I want to take the lesson of self-care from this experience. This woman enjoyed the therapy of live music for her own wellness as well as for her partner. I want to appreciate the sincerity of care this woman is giving her husband. She is a testament to the universal nobility of caregivers. Help me show appreciation for caregivers. Like, comment and share this blog with others. I’d love to hear from you. It means a lot to me that my content is helpful and empowers you. Please take a moment to join the conversation below to let me know if this blog is helpful or if you have questions or suggestions! Recommended Articles: 5 Ways to Master Caregiver Learning Curve HOW TO USE SELF-CARE TO FEEL HAPPY HOW TO PREPARE YOUR END-OF-LIFE STORY How To Ease Burden By Your Loving Preparation Your Troubles Are Your Progress Barometer & Catalyst For Your Full Potential 5 Ways To Use Music & Nature For Self-Care Defeat Fear & Doubt with Your Courage & Capability How To Deflect Negativity To Become Happier Believing In The Positive My Top Tips For Winning Over Insomnia Connect with YOURCREATIVECHORD on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin and Facebook! |
CAREGIVERIn my Caregiver blogs, you'll find I understand the internal struggles and daily stress as a caregiver juggling entrepreneurial life. Archives
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