|
Are you fearful of the End of Life conversation?
​Watch my LIVE video to get FOUR STEPS you need to take in preparation for your most critical moment.
by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
Are you fearful of starting the End of Life conversation? I get it. Death is a taboo topic. We wanna LIVE! But are you able to live fully and mindfully if you haven’t prepared yourself or loved ones for a defining and crucial moment? Follow these 4 STEPS to start a plan for your most crucial moment: 1. Start the conversation. 2. Share your ideas for your creative memorial plan—how to handle remains, where/contact info/payment plan, a Goodbye Ritual (earthy to celebrations of life with a full memorial agenda) 3. Ask for your loved ones’ wishes/preferences/feedback to personalize a meaningful memorial plan. 4. Get these details written and ready The results will be a tremendous relief, peace of mind, a sense of accomplishment, and a lasting gift of your love to those who mean the most —because YOU made the difficult decisions so THEY won’t have to. I help 50+ adults, caregivers, veterans, & families explore earth-friendly, cost-reducing ALTERNATIVES to traditional funeral plans with less or -0- corporate &/or religious involvement—& map out a personalized, meaningful, creative memorial plan. 
Join Creative Memorial Planning Facebook Group to attend my upcoming SUNSET SUMMIT, from October 26 -30, 2020.
You'll learn about alternatives to traditional funerals and end of life plans that are more gentle, comforting, cost-reducing, and planet-friendly. SUNSET SUMMIT will feature a variety of experts offering ways for transforming your Golden Chapter of life with earth-friendly, personalized, cost-reducing, and meaningful end of life services and support. We'll have LIVE presentations from experts throughout the 5-day event. You'll hear from death educators, transition doulas, and grief therapists. You'll gain educational information on support for caregivers, a natural cemetery within a 41-acre conservation sanctuary (Natural Burial Site), and more earth-friendly, gentler alternatives to traditional end of life planning. SUNSET SUMMIT will ONLY be available to Creative Memorial Planning Facebook Group members. Join now by clicking the image above or the button below.
0 Comments
by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
As a caregiver for my senior mom, we recently updated her End Of Life plan. I helped Mom change from a corporate funeral prepaid plan to an alternative that saved her THOUSANDS and is more in line with her personal values and beliefs. What I learned: I see the itemized breakdown of corporate costs as extravagant and mainly lining corporate pockets w profit—straight out of my Mom’s pocket—and people like her. I’ll admit that a pre-plan MIGHT save you money if you’re going the full traditional funeral route; caskets, corporate facilities for visitations and receptions, transportation like hearses and limousines, graveside burials, etc. The truth is that the average traditional corporate funeral costs in the USA run between $8-$25K depending on where you live. The pre-paid policy option claims to save you money by locking in the price against inflation. But these preplanned policies are more costly than necessary and definitely more expensive than the alternatives that I help you explore as your Creative Memorial Planning Coach and within my Creative Memorial Planning Facebook Group. Let me paint a clear picture: After looking through Mom’s itemized prepaid plan she’d previously arranged through corporate funeral, I recognized that a prepaid policy costs two to three times more than the ACTUAL cost of the services requested (depending on the services opted for). Corporate funerals help keep death a mystery so people don’t readily ask the right questions. Most people get easily overwhelmed by the topic of death due to emotion and spiritual beliefs--and therefore willingly pay premium fees for corporate funeral staff to handle it. There are often what I call ‘blanket fees’ that are just pure gravy for corporate funeral-- in addition to the actual itemized services and products you opt for--and you will *pay additional* fees beyond this blanket fee for each of these itemized services and products. I get it —corporate funerals are there for profit. They’ve got to keep their lights on—so that expense falls directly on you and YOUR pocketbook. The more you opt for, the more they stand to gain. But end of life planning doesn’t need to break your bank account or deplete your pocketbook! As your Creative Memorial Planning Coach, I can help you with that! Instead of the excessive cost or the abrupt and impersonal customs of the corporate funeral route—here’s what I offer you:
My program is a two-month hybrid self-study and one on one coaching program—with video tutorials, templates, checklists, and my Reflections For You workbook as a supportive guide. I work through every detail with you at *your own pace* to cover the issues of most importance to you—within a two-month period. I help you map out your creative memorial plan within two months--so your loved ones don’t have to think about it in their most vulnerable moment. Imagine how you’ll feel knowing that you’ve got your end of life plan completely mapped out within two months. Everything in one place, your personal wishes and options completely customized to your personal values. You can rest assured that your surviving loved ones have nothing to figure out or pay for or deal with because you’ve got it all done for them. Get my help with exploring earth-friendly, cost-reducing ALTERNATIVES to traditional funeral plans with less or -0- corporate funeral &/or religious involvement. Relieve the burden from your loved ones by getting your creative memorial plan mapped out! Join my CREATIVE MEMORIAL PLANNING GROUP to access my FREE video series with Reflections For You ebook!  Pastel Sunset, Lexington, KY. Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
How can the dark, depressing topic of memorial planning fit in with YourCreativeChord's purpose of nurturing creativity and inspiration, you ask? How can planning a memorial possibly be inspiring and beautiful? Fostering the energy for creative inspiration relies on the balance between practicing self-care and care for others. Nurturing inspiration is rooted in compassion for both self and others. When you muster your bravery to even think about the difficult topics of loss, death and grief, much less take the caring stance to make a clear plan for it, you ultimately make things easier for you and your loved ones. What could be more caring? What could be a more inspiring legacy to leave behind? Embrace The Opportunity To Celebrate & Joyfully Inspire Others When we think of things that inspire, we often use words like calm, peace of mind, zest for life, beautiful, passion, and comfort. Just as planning ahead for anything brings peace of mind, having your ducks in a row about end-of-life issues is a way to bring comfort, peace and calm to yourself and others. Preparing in advance can also lead to an incredibly beautiful celebration of life and an event that honors your memory. How inspirational! The alternative is not thinking about it. When we deny things or hide from reality, we end up suffering far worse. You and I will experience the inevitable end that happens to everyone at some point. When you make the effort to plan, out of your love for others, you bring beauty and celebration to your life’s ending. For both yourself and surviving loved ones. Clearly, death is a difficult subject. In our culture, the topic is mostly avoided, denied, or considered far removed from positive things like creativity and inspiration. Loss and grief are the most intense kind of suffering. But we all must face these. How do we nurture ourselves through difficult moments if we avoid dealing with them? Wouldn't it be more valuable to embrace our unavoidable, end-of-life issues as an opportunity to celebrate, honor, and joyfully inspire others to live even more fully? The reason I'm creating more content offering alternatives to traditional memorials and tips for preparing memorial agendas, obituaries, and programs is because I know what it’s like without the planning there in advance. People are enormously consoled when you have something planned ahead of time and when they can follow a structure based on your wishes. A thoughtful memorial plan and structure brings serenity, comfort, a sense of closure, and even healing to those dealing with loss. Meaningful Creativity Can Be Born From Both Suffering And Joy Many people think of strategies for inspiration as always being something positive. But from my personal experience, creativity can be born from both deep suffering and great joy. Many of my most valuable and meaningful creative expressions have come from dealing head-on with loss or through my experience of grieving a loved one. This is something that anyone can do. Addressing human pain is in sync with the heartening theme for nurturing your inspiration because we all experience it and we have the potential to create value from our suffering. Dealing directly with death, whether our own or others, can be the catalyst for tremendous inspiration. It can also lead to reviving a greater spirit for living in the present moment. Facing loss can fuel our efforts to cook, volunteer, garden, work with animals, dance, write poetry or stories, journal, compose music, paint or draw. Planning ahead for your memorial offers potential for the transformation of an intensely difficult experience into one of tremendously positive value, especially if you base your plans on your compassion for those who will be left behind. The peace of mind you gain from having a plan in place to deal with memorial issues is an inspiration to those around you. In this way, you demonstrate unequivocal care for yourself and others by making things easier for everyone through your sincere effort to plan ahead. That kind of sincere effort for others is a huge spark for inspired living. I’d love to hear from you. It means a lot to me that my content is helpful and empowers you. Please take a moment to join the conversation below to let me know if this blog is helpful or if you have questions or suggestions! Recommended Reading: 5 Ways to Master Caregiver Learning Curve How To Use Self-Care To Feel Happy Your Troubles Are Your Progress Barometer & Catalyst For Your Full Potential 5 Ways To Use Music & Nature For Self-Care Defeat Fear & Doubt with Your Courage & Capability How To Use Nature To Reinvigorate Your Spirit Find YourCreativeChord on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Linkedinand Facebook!  Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins  Photo © 2019 Jenny Leigh Hodgins By Jenny Leigh Hodgins All goes onward and outward. . . and nothing collapses, And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier. —Walt Whitman My father passed away from cancer 5 years ago. Before he got cancer, he diligently put together his will and last wishes. He gave each of his children and my mother the book with his end-of-life plans in it. He frequently bugged each of us to create our own will and prepare our final wishes. My father’s love for his family was exemplified by his preparation. He knew what he was doing for us. We had experienced the trauma of losing my brother in a car accident in 2004. John was 11 days short of turning 29 years of age. Understandably, this impacted all of us deeply. Twenty-nine is not a time you expect death! Planning for my brother’s memorial and dealing with his estate was a challenge complicated by the shock and grief of loss. In contrast, my father had prepared in advance to designate everything he wanted us to have, and a role for each of us to play in his memorial. He chose the exact music, poetry and quotes he wanted us to use. I’m a pianist, so he had me perform his favorite music, Debussy’s Clair de Lune. He asked my flutist sister to perform. Other family members were assigned things to read aloud. As my father was a veteran, my nephew-in-law led the military flag ceremony. My father’s care manifested clearly through his deliberate arrangements. He had thought through the details so we would not have to. He chose the place (my parents’ church), the emcee and faith leader (their minister), honorary pallbearers (friends and extended family), and everything on the memorial agenda. He took the burden of having to think about these things off our shoulders. You may have noticed that my family is multi-talented. My father assigned things he knew were in the wheelhouse of each person. But it doesn’t matter if you include performances in your memorial plan. What matters is having a plan for your memorial. This isn’t a topic limited to caregivers. As my family knows, death is something that can happen to anyone at any time. You may not think it's necessary to discuss. But trust me, you need to hear this. Even if you don’t want a memorial ceremony at all. I'm wearing my big girl pants now because I know it’s important to: • Do the hard things. • Face the difficult. • Feel the fear and do what you need to do anyway. • Initiate the difficult conversations because something needs to be said. And talking about death is the worst, most unappealing topic. Before you click away to escape this conversation, I encourage you to keep reading. Considering your memorial plan is important if you care about anyone else in your life. Most people don't think about this until it's too late. I know from personal experience that if you don't think about this, it will be much harder on you or your loved ones than you want it to be. If you ponder things before they’re needed, you may at least be less devastated by the added stress of memorial planning. It’s an unpleasant conversation. But if you aim well ahead, you or those who lose you won’t have that extra strain. And it’s a real burden I wish upon no one. I’ve been through scenarios after a loved one passed away, where no plan was in place. This left survivors with the double-edged sword of dealing with both the grieving process, and trying to guess at how to handle memorial plans in a way that best honored the deceased. This is hard enough to think about on a good day. But complicated by grief, or, sometimes a common situation where surviving loved ones are not in harmony with each other, or unable to function altogether, and you have a recipe for suffering all around. I want you and your loved ones to avoid that. Your Compassionate Preparation Is For Others The loving thing to do is make a plan. Tell all your loved ones what it is. You may even ask for their input about what would be meaningful for them. Once you’re gone, it’s not about you anymore. It’s about providing the most comforting transition for your surviving loved ones. When thinking about your final wishes, keep this in mind. Everyone will be blown away by loss. I’ve been through the loss of loved ones many times. I’ve helped plan memorial services for more than a dozen people. This is why I know the impact of having versus not having a memorial plan. [Helpful Hint: Your local Hospice provides FREE grief counseling.] How To Plan Ahead For The Worst & Relieve Your Stress I’ve seen how grief deeply affects others. I know it’s important to talk now about things you may need to consider. Best to prepare for a memorial before dealing with grief, as grieving can make it highly difficult to function. Preparation Takes A Load Off Of You Losing a loved one is made a little less painful for you and/or your surviving loved ones if you prepare in advance. Better to have a general plan to handle the worst, than have no plan when that worst moment hits you like a brick. It’s gonna hit you like a brick anyway. But at least with a plan, your grief will not be further compounded. You or your loved ones may also avoid paying more than necessary for services because currently you are not slammed with grief and can function to think about things without bias. I want to ease your burden with this conversation. I don’t care whether you want a memorial service or not. Nor do I care about the cost, the presentation, what you want included, where or who will be involved. Knowing what’s important to you regarding memorial plans for your loved ones, or in preparation for those who will survive you, is the critical point here. Whether To Include Or Exclude Societal Traditions “The average funeral costs between $7,000 and $9,000. This includes viewing and burial, basic service fees, transporting remains to a funeral home, a casket, embalming, and other preparation. The average cost of a funeral with cremation is $6,000 to $7,000. These costs do not include a cemetery, monument, marker, or other things like flowers.” —Lincoln Heritage Funeral Advantage According to Policy Genius, funeral costs have risen by a whopping 227.1% in the last 30 years, and total costs average between $18,000 - $28,000. Think About Ways To Save Money & Keep Things Simple Funeral arrangements have developed as a societal tradition. From ceremonies to burials, there are many things to consider. Knowing your options may lead you to decide to include or exclude some or all of these traditions. You, not a funeral company or your religious institution, are in charge of what happens. Your life insurance policy (if you opt for one) may cover some or all funeral costs. If you pay a funeral business for your end-of-life services, they may or may not cover some of the things mentioned here (or future blogs in this series). They will definitely charge you money for all their services. Some religious institutions hold funeral services, and the religious staff or ministry may have their specific ideas for how they’re handled. You may have limited funds, making it difficult or impossible to afford paid funeral services. You may also prefer more freedom to control memorial plans than your religious institution may approve. Bear these points in mind as you consider your ultimate wishes. I cannot emphasize enough that grief can make it challenging for you to be clear-headed about memorial services. Since a funeral home is a business, be aware that they probably won’t be guiding you toward the least expensive options. If you don’t care about expense, or if appearances are more important to you, you'll be in a good position for the inevitable presentation of more expensive options; embalming, an elaborate casket, grave site plots, tombstones, the cost of the burial, ushers available at the memorial ceremony, etc. If you opt for cremation, be prepared for a pricey selection of urns, and the cost of a presentation of the urn at the memorial service (in essence, the urn will sit on top of a larger box). Taking The Environment Into Account If formality is less important to you, or if finances are an issue, consider the fact that everything buried will disintegrate. There are far less expensive choices such as opting out of embalming, caskets, burial, tombstones, or even urns. When choosing cremation, embalming may be omitted. You may decide instead of buying an urn, to transfer remaining ashes to a container of your own, or scatter them as part of a memorial ceremony. Another point to recognize is the decrease of available space for burial plots. Concern about protecting our environment is another point in favor of memorial plan simplicity. For this reason, my father chose cremation without an urn. My mother was given his remains in a large box. Our family met at the location where my father had requested his ashes be scattered. We took turns dissipating ashes to honor my father’s wishes. My niece bought uniform glass jars for each of us to respectfully preserve some of the ashes. This lessened the expense for my family and allowed us to choose our own way for closure and as a tribute to my father. No matter which services or presentation style you choose, whether having a plan for funding your memorial, additional funeral services, opting for the simplicity of cremation without an urn, or simply spelling out your final wishes in a will, your thoughtful preparation will take the burden off surviving loved ones. I’d love to hear from you. It means a lot to me that my content is helpful and empowers you. Please take a moment to join the conversation below to let me know if this blog is helpful or if you have questions or suggestions! 🦋🌳I help 50+ adults, caregivers, veterans, & families explore earth-friendly🌳, cost-reducing💰ALTERNATIVES to traditional funeral plans with less or -0- corporate &/or religious involvement—& map out a personalized, meaningful, creative memorial plan. ❤️🌻 I provide the step by step journey to relief, peace of mind, huge cost savings, and satisfaction from getting your personalized creative memorial planned. 💰💰💰❤️🌳 🌎 Join my CREATIVE MEMORIAL PLANNING GROUP to access my FREE video series with Reflections For You ebook. Recommended Reading: 5 Ways to Master Caregiver Learning Curve HOW TO USE SELF-CARE TO FEEL HAPPY Your Troubles Are Your Progress Barometer & Catalyst For Your Full Potential 5 Ways To Use Music & Nature For Self-Care Defeat Fear & Doubt with Your Courage & Capability How To Deflect Negativity To Become Happier Believing In The Positive My Top Tips For Winning Over Insomnia Connect with YOURCREATIVECHORD on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin and Facebook! |
CAREGIVERIn my Caregiver blogs, you'll find I understand the internal struggles and daily stress as a caregiver juggling entrepreneurial life. Archives
February 2021
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed