(This piece originally appeared at TheCaregiverSpace.org )
By Jenny Leigh Hodgins
I segued into the role of caregiver for my aging parent quicker than expected. Last year, I left my 30-year career, and sold my Florida home to move back to Kentucky as my mother’s caregiver. I planned to be in place well ahead of need, while I transitioned to working remotely as a freelancer.
1. LIFE’S CURVEBALLS AND SLEDGEHAMMERS
Things don’t always go according to plan. Life hits with big moments whenever it damn well feels like it. Like many adult children, I face the bittersweet reality of being a caregiver to my parent before either of us are ready. I thought I’d have time to ease into the role, but sometimes health issues pop up or wallop like a sledgehammer.
What a wake-up call, being there when Mom is ill, pained face, weak and trembling, incoherent and out-of-it. Alone in that moment, feeling the full burden of being responsible for her well-being can be an enormously scary place. Facing the impending reality of that final chapter in the cycle of life is not for sissies.
The foreign world of medical terms, insurance and co-pays, increasingly hectic medical appointment schedule, and daily living responsibilities can add up to an overwhelming mountain of pressure. I hadn’t anticipated how my own daily rhythm would be derailed, interrupted or flat-out sacrificed at times.
2. GET AHEAD OF THE CURVE
The learning curve comes swiftly, so I’ve found it best to get my game plan in place, and build my life-state to be ready to play. I’ve discovered the importance of taking care of myself. Putting that oxygen mask on myself first enables me to ward against getting overwhelmed or sick, and be better prepared emotionally, spiritually and practically as caregiver.
3. GET YOUR GAME ON
That means I have to protect my daily rhythm. To be effective in my work as a writer and composer, as a caregiver, and more balanced in my wellness, I have to establish ‘me time’. I rise early to pray, eat and have uninterrupted workflow when I function at my best.
I schedule exercise later in the day to maintain my energy. I use my smartphone calendar app to send me alerts so I stay, or get back on, task. Mapping out my own daily schedule and preserving it as best I can keeps me on top of things and less overwhelmed when Mom’s needs arise.
4. PLAN TO BE THERE IN ADVANCE
I’m grateful to have already settled in, so I’m here when Mom needs me. Not having to rush from another state, or even across town, or leave my workplace, is one load of worry off our minds. My being in place takes some burden off my other family members who don’t have the liberty of leaving jobs, children or properties.
5. TEAM HUDDLE
Keeping open communication with Mom and family members about her health, financial and social needs, as well as legal plans, distributes the caregiving load and assures Mom that we are onboard and unified to uphold her wishes. Getting things in place beforehand helps alleviate worry from all.
This attempt to keep all in the loop brings us closer in harmony to one another. For the caregiver, that support from family team players is indispensable to peace of mind, providing further strength for the tasks ahead.
6. KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW
Getting to know my mother’s daily rhythm gives me knowledge useful for effective emergency response. Being familiar with her usual mannerisms, daily lifestyle, energy, verbal and cognitive responses makes it easy to recognize when something isn’t right.
Paying attention to symptoms early on allows early detection and an upper hand in maintaining her wellness. Knowing her doctors, appointments, medications, and health issues is powerful ammunition against mishaps, and preventative against health problems that could run undetected.
The role of caregiver can present itself sooner than anticipated, bringing unexpected, new challenges. But I’m finding that having a game plan, a great team that communicates well, a strategy for maintaining my wellness, and tackling challenges with gusto allows me to respond well even to the hardest curveball.
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by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
Challenging circumstances are an opportunity to awaken and polish our maximum potential as well as develop qualities like compassion, courage, creative thinking, discipline, flexibility, patience and honed focus. Challenges also spur a heightened energy due to the urgency for a much-needed break-through.
GET A WORKOUT
Much like a good physical workout will push the limits of our endurance, stamina and strength in order to improve overall health, difficulties in daily life provide a spiritual and mental workout which can result in a stronger life-force, an optimistic state of mind and a more balanced personality.
This outcome is dependent on our chosen outlook of the particular situation. When our mind-set is resolutely centered on remaining positively undaunted by external or internal obstacles, we’re able to tap wisdom with fresh ideas for opening the way forward.
SGI President Daisaku Ikeda states, “Never for an instant forget the effort to renew your life, to build yourself anew. Creativity means to push open the heavy, groaning doorway of life itself. This is not an easy task. Indeed, it may be the most severely challenging struggle there is. For opening the door to your own life is in the end more difficult than opening the door to all the mysteries of the universe.”
TAP YOUR CREATIVE WELL-SPRING
Creativity is found through the struggle to push open this door to our inner life. Perhaps this is partly why some of the greatest art is born of the struggling artist.
Artists tend to search inwardly to a deeper level (sometimes even while fighting for survival), embrace the full spectrum of both emotional and psychological experiences, and question or attack civilization’s problems with greater gusto than most. As a result of the artist’s vehement battle, a well-spring of imaginative innovation is unleashed.
But the creative life is not the sole patented property of artists. Creativity is found in the willingness to fight against our own perceived limitations, or those of the outside world, with the intent to improve ourselves or our environment, no matter the resistance inevitably endured. This is the ‘never give up’ spirit of great figures in history who spearheaded revolution.
Thinking outside the box is all that’s required to open that box. This act itself ignites courage, resilience, and the energy for empathy. Compassion can arise from having gone through these deeper struggles, allowing us to become aware of the human experience to a greater degree.
CONNECT WITH THE WORLD
This universal connection to others, the realization that one is not isolated or alone in life, is one of the reasons art, music, literature and poetry can be so powerful. So whether it’s to tap creativity, become a person with broader awareness and ability, fulfill our maximum potential, or affect change in the world, life’s hardest problems are in actuality, a wonderful opportunity for positive, exponentially more significant metamorphosis.
Since nothing is certain in life but change itself, the perspective to use it for the betterment of self and society is the most positive, productive way to go. Everything depends on the outlook we choose; Do we selfishly dwell on our problems, making ourselves and others suffer?
Or, do we look at everything as a chance to expand our character, develop the best of ourselves, and encourage compassion and connection with others, to create value as a foundation for our future?
How has your mindset affected an outcome or a change in a relationship? Share in the comments below!
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In my Spiritual Wellness blogs, you’ll find ways to overcome obstacles, reach goals, and experience more joy in the moment with spiritual awareness and inner transformation.