 Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins by Jenny Leigh Hodgins [Listen to this as a podcast here.] This week, I’ve had some unpleasant experiences with people. It prompted me to reflect on how I responded. Despite realizing intellectually that people are negative because they are unhappy or suffering, I discovered I tend to take things personally, absorb outer ugliness internally, and dwell on that negativity. AWAKENING TO HABITS Wow, what an eye-opener for my personal growth. Even when it is obvious that the issue is coming from the other party’s corner, my tendency is to allow their negativity to overwhelm me. This has shed light on some of my deeper, connected habits. I found that, amid multiple positive things or situations or people, I gravitate toward finding that one negative thing. I find it, spotlight it, analyze it, speculate on it and generally mope about it. UGH. ADDRESSING OLD PATTERNS This is directly tied to those old, well-ingrained thought patterns to doubt or slander myself. As I’m currently on a major personal campaign to change my Debby Downer self-talk patterns, having these uncomfortable experiences with others recently has pushed a button. It’s the button I thought I was getting under control. Working on my thought processes is a major endeavor of itself. I have been consciously working to replace habitual self-slander with the most opposite, positive, affirmative statements possible. MOVING TOWARD POSITIVITY When I experience fear or doubt, I practice replacing those feelings with immediate, positive action based on my goals. This is hard, internal work for me, in the darkest, most vulnerable places of my heart. It requires a strategic, bold effort, sometimes from moment to moment, to overcome my critical self-talk and move myself in a positive direction. I’ve made incremental progress with having a better outlook, and with appreciating versus belittling myself. I became acutely aware that treasuring myself does not come naturally to me, and I have to actively work on self-care. I’m doing this emotional and psychological challenge while juggling with major financial and business aspects. My plate is full all the time as a single woman entrepreneur launching a second career in her mid-fifties. I’m learning to both swim as a new business owner and balance my life with being a caregiver for my mother. I’m transitioning from having lived my entire adult life independently, to having downsized to a roommate in a smaller space at my mother’s condo. It’s a work in progress. But I’m adjusting myself to keep growing professionally, as a creator (composer/writer), and as a caregiver, with all its adjoining issues. DOING THE WORK I sometimes feel I’m climbing a steep mountain alone, while the air gets thinner, and the terrain grows more difficult. But that’s life, I tell myself. Armed with my daily Buddhist chanting, a kind of active meditation that boosts my spiritual optimism, I forge ahead, step by step. I re-determine my determinations daily. I take action and knock things off my to-do list. I’ve learned the importance of working through issues with my mother to be a better daughter. I’ve started being more productive with my work-life by prioritizing to allow some downtime for myself. FALLING DOWN Ah. Just when I felt I was getting into the groove of riding the waves, a few people with their baggage of problems, knocked me down. I know better than to take on other people’s baggage, and yet, somehow, my old habits resurface lickety-split. I wasn’t quite as stable on that wave as I thought, eh? TRANSFORMING NEGATIVE INTO POSITIVE This has boosted my soul-search to find that I have to do three things to generate a positive outcome from this: The first thing is that I must regularly prepare my life-condition. When I have taken care of myself, I’m in a much better place when sh*$ hits the fan. I can dodge it better. When I’m strong internally, the external things and people don’t have the power to sway me as easily. That’s a real key to handling difficult situations for me. Empowering myself so that I’m in such a positive, strong state that I influence my environment. Not the other way around.  Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins LET GO OF NEGATIVITY The second thing I must practice is letting go. I must let go of that magnetic pull that darkness has with my heart, and instead turn toward the light. If there is one negative thing, I must learn to ignore that and use all my focus to appreciate the good things and people. FIND THE GOOD THERE Finding the good is a scavenger hunt in the dark, but it leads to brilliant, beautiful treasures of the heart. When I keep my mind clear of the unpleasant, and look instead at what is useful or valuable there, I have the power to transform myself and the situation. It’s probably one of the hardest struggles for me to simply look away from the negative. But as I’ve begun working on my personal affirmations and using my fears as fuel for action, I’ve already experienced positive results. So now I must expand my attention beyond my internal work, to my environment… PRAY FOR THE SUFFERING The third thing I have to do is pray for the happiness of the people spewing negativity in my environment. Happy people don’t dish out crap to others. Suffering people are the ones who stain the pot with corruption. When I take enough care of myself, I’m better equipped to open my heart toward relieving others’ misery. I don’t necessarily need to do anything or say anything to those suffering. Everyone has their own journey and creates awareness on their own timetable. PRAYER = POSITIVE CHANGE But I know that prayer for others’ happiness is effective at developing my empathy. Prayer also has the strength to diffuse a tense situation. People can feel what comes from my heart, even if I don’t express it. TAKE CHARGE OF WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL This brings me full circle back to myself. I can only control myself. I can only change myself, not others. If I take care of myself, pray for myself and others, and practice appreciation, eventually, I make the situation better. I either improve myself, or find the good or value in the person or situation. CELEBRATE YOUR GREATEST WIN Being able to create value--especially in the darkest situation or most difficult relationships, is a huge accomplishment. Being positive in easy circumstances is no biggie. Forging my inner life to be strong, wise, joyful and compassionate, regardless of my environment, is the real victory. Feel free to SHARE this with others who may benefit from this info! Thank you! Get more inspiring content when you signup for the mailing list at YourCreativeChord! You can also find me on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin and Facebook!  Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
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 Photo by Jenny L Hodgins by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
Being betrayed is grueling. Learning someone you trusted is not honorable can be shocking. It may be the catalyst for emotional upheaval. But, you can use this delicate predicament as a springboard toward a more fulfilling, positive direction. What matters more in this situation is not what or who has happened to you, but how you respond. It is not an easy process. You’re human, of course. Regardless of your disposition, an emotional process is natural. The question is how to navigate your feelings to steer things in a more positive direction? 1. Don’t retaliate. Instead, clarify. If possible, aim for an objective dialogue to rule out any miscommunication. Whether the other party refuses to talk it through, or you manage to have a conversation, you will learn something. You'll discover a miscommunication and clear it up. Or, you’ll discover someone is not who you thought they were. 2. Take a beat. Being betrayed pushes your buttons. Give yourself some space and time to absorb before responding. This gives you time to reflect without making the situation worse. 3. Find a safe place where you may feel what you feel. If you’re angry, punch a pillow. Take a long bike ride, using your anger to pedal yourself further (literally and figuratively). Exercise helps lower stress. Vent. Talk to someone close to you who is completely trustworthy and supportive of you. Or write in your journal. If you’re creative, fire up a new creative project. Whatever you choose, it’s important to safely vent your feelings. 4. Break free. If possible, cut all ties completely so you are free to move forward in a different direction. Do so with the utmost professionalism and courtesy. How others behaved speaks volumes about them, not you. Always take the high road. 5. Reflect on the gain. Appreciate you are not stuck in a situation with people who create negative causes or drama, or who cannot be trusted. Appreciate that you are free of toxic people. Difficult experiences can teach you lessons about yourself. Learn what you can from the situation. It may be a catalyst for you to rely more on and believe in yourself. It may train you to become a better judge of character. Or, it may serve as a guide for you to create a stronger, more harmonious team based on a shared vision. The outcome may free you to do more of something you’d rather do but hadn’t had the time for it. Life is full of unexpected challenges and difficult people. Handling the situation with optimism, while squarely facing the challenging reality creates value. Remember that other people‘s actions say more about them than you. Use everything as a learning curve to become a stronger, more compassionate, wiser you. Turn the ordeal into fuel for momentum toward a more positive direction. “It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand.” ― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture Feel free to leave a comment answering these questions: Have you turned a betrayal into something positive? What did you learn from the experience? You can also find me on Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Linkedin and Facebook! Get more inspiring content when you signup for the mailing list at YourCreativeChord!  Never Give Up. Photo by Jenny Leigh Hodgins by Jenny Leigh Hodgins
People think I have a large life. My energy commands a room, but it’s not intentional. In fact, sometimes I think I have two personalities. And, no, I'm not schizophrenic. I developed my exterior confidence through my job as a music educator, and my role as a Buddhist facilitator. Directing, leading and teaching large groups of people performing music, and facilitating faith-based activities with diverse groups provided abundant training. When I’ve had the opportunity to lead, there was no room for ego or attention to myself. There was a task to do. I’ve honed a skill to focus on the task at hand without regard to my personal feelings. I appreciate this skill. It enabled me to achieve more as a teacher, chorus conductor, faith leader and performing musician. It allowed me to see beyond myself and do more than I would have otherwise envisioned had I stopped to ponder my capability. ATTACK OF DOUBT On the flip side, my alter-ego is debilitatingly shy and constantly fighting doubt. Through sheer life experience and in particular debt to my SGI-USA Buddhist philosophy, I’ve managed to function well—beyond my insecurity. But it relentlessly attacked me when least expected with insomnia. Even when I thought I’d confronted my inner demons, fear and doubt insidiously assaulted my thoughts until the wee hours of morning. I’d combat it with my intellect, of course. I spoke to myself with a voice of calmness about reality and fool-proof strategies to turn away my inner demons. I distracted myself with reading, deep breathing and imagery of relaxed, happy visions. I chanted my Buddhist mantra while attempting to empty the barrage of negativity swirling in my brain. I got out of bed and stretched. I wrote my thoughts in my journal. I fought the battle until 3am, despite exhaustion. Finally, I’d drift off for about three hours of rest. In the morning it would all seem perfectly stupid. In the light of day, my evening struggle seemed like a mirage. Except that I was depleted for two days afterwards. MAKING HEADWAY This darkness has beat at my inner doors my entire life. I’ve dramatically lessened the effects of it. It used to cause such stomach-upset agony I couldn’t function beyond bed-rest. It caused me to develop respiratory issues. I had no stamina against this demon. I continued consistently battling it from the inside out with my determined prayer. I forged directly through it until I incrementally gained strength over it. I no longer have those anxiety attacks that shook my whole body with nausea or stomach pain. I no longer get respiratory illness or stage fright. I have no qualms about public speaking, performing, or facilitating. I don’t worry about what people think of me anymore. All those battles forged my strength and grew my confidence. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' When I’m striving to reach a personal goal, or break through to a new level of success in any aspect of my life, my doubts rear their ugliness to challenge me. But that’s how I know I’m on the right track. VICTORY OVER A STRONG OPPONENT My Buddhist practice confirms this is a sign of my inner growth; I’m pushing myself beyond comfort and growing my capacity larger than before. There should be some fear or doubt because I’m human. I’m tackling new and bold territory. I’m on to these twin evils (fear and doubt). They appear so I may open the path to my future with my true essence—my inner power fueled by belief in the human heart. My heart. There’s resistance so I may develop spiritual muscle. These most powerful opponents enable me to forge my full potential. Anything easy would not warrant a victory celebration. I wage on—with a resolute vow to never give up until I win absolute victory over every new challenge. I know it is a always a test of my faith. A chance for me to see how my determined prayer—starting from the inner realm—manifests in tangible, conspicuous external proof, based on the interconnectedness of life. I just have to do the inner work first. Take that, doubt and fear. Take THAT. Share your thoughts in the comments below. Pass this on to someone who may benefit from the information. Get more inspiring content! |
SPIRITUAL WELLNESSIn my Spiritual Wellness blogs, you’ll find ways to overcome obstacles, reach goals, and experience more joy in the moment with spiritual awareness and inner transformation. Archives
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